Guilt can be Forgiven
by Gaia-ninja
Summary: A companion piece to Crowded Company, or just a one-shot friendship fic involving everyone's favorite train-happy pilot and the fallen Sorceresses' knight during his return to Balamb Garden his former home that he nearly helped destroy.


Disclaimer

I really pushed the "T" rating because Seifer has a bit of sailor's mouth. I don't own the characters and I don't own the game.

This story is a companion piece to Crowded Company, it gives us a little incite to Selphie and Seifer's friendship ..well a little. This story can also be taken as a one-shot friendship fic it's up to you, the reader.

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Guilt can be Forgiven

Squall had just gotten off the phone with Cid of course it was not good news. By the request of Cid and Edea Krammer they wanted Seifer to return to Balamb Garden. He asked them if they were joking and of course they were not. Technically the pair were his bosses therefore their word was law but Squall felt like he had to stand up to this. Why would they ever even consider this? Squall argued his points to Cid then he heard his matron ask for the phone.

_"Do you forgive me for my transgressions while I was under the spell of a warring sorceress?"_

_ "Y..yes"_

_"Then you should be able to look past Seifer's sins as well, for each thing he did, I did as well."_

Edea's words struck a cord with him and he thought long and hard after he had gotten off the phone. Even though she had a point, it would still be difficult. Edea… had raised him, Seifer tried to make his life hell when he was growing up. How would he tell everyone? How would they react to the terms that the Cid and Edea set up?

That evening he decided he would try to ease the blow by offering them dinner. Bad news might be better received with over dinner. He called a caterer and had a nice dinner set up for them in the ballroom. He sent out a message for his peers and now all he had to do was wait for a good moment to drop the bomb.

Meetings in the Ballroom always meant formal dress. Everyone wore their SeeD uniforms where Irvine and Rinoa would just dress up. They all sat a large round table and after the second course was served Squall cleared his throat to gather everyone's attention.

"Well I have some news." He started. Squall took a deep breath before he started talking again. "Starting Monday, Seifer is going to be rejoining us here at Balamb Garden."

Many mouths were agape at the news, and he also wasn't surprised that even his own girlfriend glared at him.

"Wait… why?" Xu asked shaking her head.

"There are many Cadet and SeeDs that haven't recovered mentally or physically from the Garden battle, it would be like a slap in the face to those who were lost." Quistis added.

"What would he even do here?" Zell asked

Squall attempted calm everyone so he could speak again.

"I know how you feel, but this is a direct order from Edea and Cid.

"I wonder what they are thinking" Nida mused.

"Probably thinking that he deserves a second chance.." Zell added bitterly.

"Nothing good can really come from all this " Irvine sighed.

"..I don't want to associate with him.. I won't" Rinoa cried.

Squall listened to everyone's gripes but at the end of the day it didn't matter, come Monday the former Knight would be back in the halls of Balamb Garden.

"Now.. the worst news. I have to assign him a handler… for the exact reasons you all mentioned. If no one volunteers I'll just handle it myself." Squall said, his voice in perfect monotone.

Xu held the bridge of her nose with her thumb and pointer finger. "Squall, you know you cannot run this garden AND be Seifer's baby sitter…"

"I'll do it."

All eyes were on Selphie now, the only person who hadn't said a word since the news was dropped, the one person who was arguably hurt the most by Seifer's actions. Zell squeezed her hand under the table. "Are you sure about this?" He asked and everyone looked on.

"Hey, it's no big deal.. besides someone has to make sure he stays out of trouble… I'm not going to let anything happen that will compromise this Garden."

Everyone was humbled, you would think that Selphie of all people would be calling for his execution not volunteering to be his handler.

Bright and early Monday morning Selphie, Seifer and Squall stood in his office in complete silence for what seemed like an eternity. Squall was tired and because he was tired he was already in a cross mood. Seifer stood there waiting for someone to say something and Selphie just looked annoyed. Squall finally spoke up when Selphie cleared her throat indignantly.

"Welcome back."

"Yea.."

Talk about awkward. Squall explained to Seifer that he would be on an extended probation, he was to attend mandatory one on one sessions with Dr. Kadowaki. Seifer would only have to take 3 classes but he had the choice to take more to fill his day if he wanted.

"…and Selphie is going to be your handler. There is no need to mince words, there are a lot of people who hate you but you are not to resort to violence under any circumstance."

"Understood." Seifer's body language was hard to read but during the whole time in Squall's office, he didn't mouth off. Seifer and Selphie entered the elevator and she waited for the lift to reach the 1st floor.

"What did you do to end up with this job?" Seifer asked with a defiant grin.

"I volunteered." That was all she said. The lift reached the 1st floor she was off. She walked fast but Seifer kept up with her. "First stop Cadet Dorms."

They walked down the dorm hallway and stopped in front of a door. Selphie gasped at what she saw. Seifer's was covered in graffiti, threats, insults the whole 9 yards. "Oh my god…"

Seifer didn't seem fazed not one bit. Selphie handed Seifer his card key. "I'll be right back!" and she took off running down the hallway. Seifer opened the door and stepped back into his old room. The double that was a glorified single because no one could room with him, everything was how he left it. Not a single thing was out of place, a veil of light dust covered everything in the room though. It was finally setting in that he was back "home".

Selphie returned with a bucket of warm soapy water and some scrub brushes. She saw him standing in the middle of the room just staring.

"Come on" her voice pulled him from his contemplation "Help me clean off this door."

Selphie worked on the bottom and Seifer handled the top.

"I guess the good news travels fast" Seifer laughed sarcastically.

"I guess.." it was weird but Seifer could have sworn that Selphie was more upset about the vandalism that he was.

The first week was a week from hell, or so anyone would think. Two times a day he would have to wash the ill words or food splatters off the door. Multiple times a day someone would shout "Traitor" at him. He took it all in stride. His sessions with Kadowaki were the only things that were annoying him. Twice a week she would drone on about him opening up and sharing his feelings. Every session He'd tell her that he didn't need therapy, that he was fine now, but the aging doctor was not convinced.

Everyday Seifer had to meet with Selphie after his classes. Sometimes she would help clean the vandalized door, everyday she would ask him how his classes were going and if there was anyone who was giving him trouble. Everyday he would day the same thing, the classes were boring , and no one was bothering him.. only half of that statement was true, yes, the classes were boring but there was always some uppity Cadet or sometimes even a SeeD that would give him grief. It was nothing he couldn't handle. _Those punks are trying to break me down, get me to a point where I will bust their heads, and then I'll be out on my ass. _He was never met with violence because of the simple fact that he was still feared.

Kadowaki stayed vigilance with Seifer, she knew he was holding in years of stress, anger and fear.

"Okay Seifer, if you are not going to talk to me why not write it down?" She presented him with a leather bound notebook with his initials printed on the side.

"You've resorted to bribing me now Doc?" was his response. That evening the first thing he wrote was simply "This is bullshit."

One day during the lunch period Seifer was heading back to his room to eat in peace when he noticed that a girl was following him. There was no one else in the hallway when he turned around and faced the girl.

"What do you want?" Seifer figured that this girl was going to call him a traitor and tell him he didn't deserve to be there, it was nothing new in fact he worried if he was becoming numb to it.

"Tina Kraft Class b-2 Medical Cadet, did you know her?" She spoke very softly.

"No."

"She killed herself after she was assaulted by g- solders."

"…."

"She was fourteen. "

"….."

"There isn't a day I don't miss my little sister. I think it's sick that you got a slap on the risk and get to return to a normal life." The girl turned away quickly and ran away. Seifer suddenly felt nauseous and had no desire to eat anymore. Once in his room began to write in his journal. _Tina Kraft, took her own life after soldiers I ordered into Balamb Garden raped her. _He closed his book and deiced to skip his third class that day.

Selphie knocked on his door and the first things out of her mouth were "Why didn't you go to class?"

Seifer gave her a half hearted shrug and plopped back down on his bed. Selphie walked into the room and closed the door behind her.

"I missed once class, big deal."

"The big deal is, if you do not show any efforts of wanting to be here to actually graduate you are going to be kicked out."

"Isn't that what everyone wants?"

"Well, yea"

"Then why do you care?"

"I don't care about you, I don't care what you do but I am going to do my job."

"You are so fucking weird messager girl.."

"Do you even know my name?"

"Maybe.."

Selphie knew she was being messed with but he wasn't going to rattle her. "Okay, until you remember my name you can clean off your own damn door."

She left shortly after. "Whatever Selphie."

The second week was just as bad, some of the students were growing bolder in their attempts to get Seifer to react violently. He didn't let it get to him, so he thought. Every time he would hear about a death or maiming that was indirectly caused by him he'd write it down in his book.

He was bored in his morning class so he surfed the garden's intranet. Not much had really changed since he left. He did notice that the Garden Festival page was very loud and bright compared to all the other portals. Selphie was the Committee's Chairperson, he guessed he shouldn't have been surprised. Her personal page was even brighter .. what was this? A fan page dedicated to the mysterious Esterian President? This girl was crazy. The last thing he looked at was the on line blog or diary she had on the page. His eye's nearly widened at some of the entries.. the first few dealing with her being a new transfer.. then her accounts on the Trabia Tragedy.

650 people dead, over 2000 injured.

"_I want Balamb and Trabia garden destroyed.. I do not want any of those fools thinking they can make an alliance against me."_

"_Yes my mistress"_

He continued to read the entries regarding the tragedy. Then he looked at the pictures she took when she was there. His mouth grew dry and suddenly it hit him. Balamb could have just as easily ended up like Trabia. He shut down the terminal and stood up.

"May I be excused?"

Instructor May glanced at him for a moment then just nodded. He went directly to his room and wrote down what he just read in class. When he looked down at what he wrote he found his hands were shaking uncontrollably. He was nauseated again. He laid down on his bed and tried to compose himself. Luckily he was able to drift off to sleep.

" ...ifer .. Se.. Seifer!"

The next thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a vibrant pair of emerald eyes. He sat up and nearly hit her head with his.

"Instructor May told me you left her class and never came back."

"I can't even take a shit without you knowing about can I?"

Selphie laughed a little and nodded "I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't"

"You are paid to stalk me?"

"More or less, you should be happy it's a cute girl and not some ugly creepster." Said puffing her chest out like she said something clever.

He shook his head at her and he would have smiled.. if the nausea didn't return as soon as he saw her smile. "Are you all right you are looking a little green?"

"I… I'm not feeling well" He managed to get out.

"I'll walk you to the infirmary then, It's almost time for you to go see the doctor anyways right?"

"I know where the infirmary is messager girl, I'll manage."

"Come on don't be difficult!" She stood there with her hands on her hips. He knew she wouldn't drop it unless he gave in, so he would might as well get it over with. He pulled himself off his bed , grabbed followed her out of the room.

"It's just a little stomach ache, nothing really to worry about."

"You could have tapeworms, but those don't really cause tummy aches."

"Do you always make little to no sense at all?"

"I make plenty of sense it just takes smarts to get me" She winked at him playfully.

_Cute... _he thought bitterly

A group of Cadets approached them and stood in their way.

"You are being awfully nice to this Traitor.." the male one with dirty blonde hair said.

"Do you sympathize with turncoats, maybe you want the same treatment we are going to give him" the one with darker hair added.

Selphie had an interesting expression on her face. "Are you threatening a superior? State your ranks _cadets_"

"Basitian Tibbs class c-3 firearms"

"Kinyon Rove class c-3 hand to hand"

The both of them seemed very proud of their ranks even though they were mediocre at best. Seifer wondered how they didn't recognize Selphie, she practically helped save the world.. though, he guessed not everyone WOULD know about everything, the full story, the time compression, the castle. As far as public knowledge went the story ended at the lunar cry.

"SeeD Selphie Tilmitt rank Star A" The two looked a bit confused at her. "Don't let my stature fool you BOOOYAKA!" She whipped out her ID and the color drained from their faces then they quickly ran off.

"Maybe I should start wearing my SeeD uniform more often.. I bet that wouldn't have happened it I did." She hit her own head playfully and stuck her tongue out a little.

"Why don't you wear it?" Seifer accidentally asked out loud.

"It doesn't really fit well anymore, I'm a growing girl"

She hit him in the arm when he laughed. Seeing her smile again made him feel sick again.

This time the session went differently.

"I think I have a stomach flu.. or something" was the first thing out of his mouth. Doctor Kadowaki agreed to give him a check up before their session. After being given a clean bill of health it was time to sit on the couch. She had a hunch of what was causing his nauseous but she wanted to see if Seifer could come to his on conclusion.

"I see you brought the journal I got you, have you been writing in it?"

"A little."

"May I see it?"

"I don't care."

Just as thick as ever, she thought as she saw the message on the first page. The next pages though, floored her.

_Tina Kraft, took her own life after soldiers I ordered into Balamb Garden raped her_

_650 people dead, over 2000 injured. Some people died because they were trapped under rubble, some bled to death, others froze. Why doesn't she hate me?_

Just to mention a few. The doctor looked over at Seifer who just laid there on her couch and started at the ceiling.

"Why did you write this all down?"

"I don't really know I just had this feeling you know… so I wouldn't ever forget I guess." He sat up and wiped sweat from his brow. "I knew people died.."

"But it didn't really hit you."

"All those punks out there, hate me and they have a right to." He stood up and paced the room a little before he sat down again. "I didn't even want to come back here"

"Why did you come back?"

"Because Edea and Cid asked me too"

"Is that the only reason?" she eyed him intently

"I… feel sick.."

"Guilt"

"Why is she the only one who doesn't treat me like the scum I am?"

"Who?"

"The fucking messager girl!" Seifer stood up and started pacing again.

"Why don't you ask her?"

"What good is that going to help?"

"You would be surprised Seifer Almasy. You have a lot of emotions you need to sort though."

"This is.."

"Bullshit, I know. This is for your own good Seifer."

When he left the office he was surprised that Selphie was there waiting for him.

"I wanted to make sure you didn't catch some super disease I would have to worry about, And to tell you that those kids from earlier are being reprimanded."

Seifer just sort of nodded and headed back towards the dorms. She mostly talked about having cabin fever from having to baby sit him , then she started rambling about how everyone always wants a garden festival but no one wants to put in the time.

"Everyone is so lazy here, in T-Garden our committee was almost 50 strong"

There was the nausea again. "One year the basketball team set up a dunking booth.. only the water froze because those idiots did it outside."

When they got back to his room, they noticed that there was less graffiti. As they cleaned it off Selphie kept talking about her old garden's festivals. When they finished Selphie was about to take off when he grabbed her wrist.

"Why don't you hate me?" he glared at her intensely. She snatched her hand back away from him and glared back.

"Who said I didn't?"

"Fair enough, why the hell are you being so nice to me. Don't you dare say it's part of your job because I know it isn't."

Selphie welcomed herself inside his room and sat directly in the center of his bed. _Damn she's bold._ He closed the door behind him and sat at his desk.

"I don't hate you Seifer" She started.

"Why the hell not?" he nearly shouted at her.

"Did you yourself press the button that sent missiles to Balamb and Trabia?"

"No but I…"

"Just a simple yes or no will do.. Look I don't hate Matron, I don't hate Rinoa and I don't hate you" She looked up at him an nodded slowly "I hated Ultimecia, I hated her for corrupting Matron, possessing Rinoa, and making you do those horrible things. I hated her so much and I helped destroy her. It didn't bring back the dead.. and it didn't correct everything that was wrong.. BUT that bitch is dead… that's all that matters… and I can't hate you without hating Rinoa or Edea."

Seifer had an extremely remorseful look on his face. "Thanks …"

"He-ey.. don't thank me for how I feel… you have to remember that you are going to be the easiest to blame since you were such a asshole anyways."

_Bold, honest and cute. I guess the guilty can be forgiven. _


End file.
